In recent weeks Iโve found the end to myself. I cant continue without God. Iโve seen how deep sin runs in me and how many awful mistakes Iโve made. Some have hurt others. Some are ruining my family. There isnโt an area of my life that hasnโt been engulfed by sin. There is something Iโve been praying (begging doesnโt even cover it) for God to keep between me and Him. Iโm living in fear every day it will come to light. I know he works things out for our good. Iโve always kept God at arms length. Always kept Plan B and only called out to God in times of trouble. Recently, that has started to change. Him changing me I know. I feel His presence. I feel the tug and I want more of him. This is where my prayers come in. I have such a small, almost non existence of trust, which comes from having little to no faith. You see I grew up with no parents, no examples, no religious stability. So how do I have faith? Every human has let me down so how can I trust in someone I havenโt had a relationship with and I canโt see? Iโm immature in my belief. Yes, I believe IN God. But believing God is such an overwhelming, terrifying thing and I donโt know how to go full in. What if he lets me down too? Iโve been praying for Him to forgive me for not having complete trust and faith in him. Iโve been praying for his strength. Iโve been praying for him to be my calvary. Iโve been praying for him to surround me with the word and answers. Iโve been praying because I believe my lack of faith is sin. Iโve been thinking of suicide. Iโve thought of ways to make it look like and accident. Iโve thought how my husband and kids will be better off. Iโve even been writing letters leaving instructions on how to take care of things, my pain, and insight into my loneliness and sin. Two of my 3 sisters have already committed suicide and the other died of breast cancer so If I did it it would appear that it runs in the family, right? Your title was what is your greatest prayer request. I need God to fight for me. I NEED God to make this ONE THING iโve done go away. To not become known to others. I need it to be between me and him (no, I havenโt committed murder or anything stupid like that). I donโt think I can live with the shame, guilt and humiliation for myself but also my family. I know its wrong to โtestโ God because he doesnโt work like that. I know my doubt in Him is sin. I know I can seek his strength to get thru. I know its wrong to barter with God, he also doesnโt work like that. I know Iโve made the wrong choices. I know it was me and not him who got me here. Its just that HE is the ONLY way out! I have to believe he loves me because I am a child of God. It astonishes me that with all my brokenness and sin he would still love me. So my prayer- For God to make this go away. To never be brought up again. To be removed from me as far as the east is from the west. To grow my faith in Him. To put the question of faith to rest forever. And to remove the sin of suicide from me if he doesnโt. Jesus please show me favor. Please answer my prayer!
Cancer die in the name of Jesus read Isaih 53.5-6 The enemy is difited in the name of Jesus Amen Cancer die in the

Joanne Ann Mary Kinuthia