Hope

Dear Jesus my Lord, I’ve failed you so many times that is sickening. I’ve let you down too many times count. I’ve said unholy words against you. I want you in my life and I don’t want to mess it up again. I praise you with all that is in me. I’m sorry that I’ve fallen so far from grace. I’m hurting without you badly. I didn’t realize I wasn’t under your protection I just thought you were punishing me. I’ve been minding my brain and controlling what I say. I don’t want to die in satans grasps. I don’t have much time left my Lord. Please make me normal again my Lord. I’m sorry that I’ve been unholy and unruly my who’s mind is unhealthy and hard to control. I’m a disaster with out you my Lord. I’m lost my Lord I need you and praise you to the top of the highest mountain top. I’m asking you Lord if you’ll please forgive me for all my sins. I’m sorry that I keep breaking your heart my Lord. I’m ashamed of this thing I’ve become my Lord. I feel like my heart is going to explode and my body on concrete and nails. My actions towards you my Lord and the Father were unholy and barbaric. I’m doing the best that I can my Lord I love you more than anything and want to redeem myself. I don’t know what to do my Lord I know that I have been a heathen and you have a lack of trust in me my Lord but I’m doing the best that I can amongst all this pain. I don’t want to die under satans control of pain and misery. I pray that you won’t leave me here alone scared and in all this pain on my heart and body. I’m sorry my Lord that I’m all messed up my Lord. My mind and body are trashed my Lord I’m sick and need your saving more than ever. I respect you beyond compare my Lord I hope that you’ll give me a chance and remember how strong my heart beated for you and the Heavenly Father. My heart yearns for you my Lord and I don’t just pray to you to save me when I need you in specific circumstances. Lord the pain has been so bad that I haven’t been able to get out of bed in three days. Lord your the most important being to ever come into this world and I am blessed and thankful to have met you. I don’t understand why I ended up like the way I am now. I just know that I believe in you and that your so very precious. I’m seriously sick my Lord I don’t know what’s wrong with me I am broken and need your saving. I don’t know why my brain is so unhealthy all I can think of is from all the torture and lack of sleep. I’ve gone off the deep end and am seriously struggling my Lord. I need protection from myself. Your a true Miracle my Lord and I am so very blessed and thankful for all the times you’ve rescued me. I wish I knew what was wrong with me and why my brain reacts the way it does. Please Lord their has to be a way to continually protect me from myself. I beg you my Lord I am pleading for my life. I can’t take the pain anymore and I cannot protect myself and my brain from selling myself out to torture. Lord I know which side I’m on and it will always be yours. Please don’t let me die down here my Lord please save me. I’m in agony and pure misery I wish that I could focus on praying for others and sending healing hope. But I’m always in crisis mode because my brain doesn’t function properly anymore. I worship you Lord and the Heavenly Father this is a reverse situation where I ruin myself before you when you save me and get tortured in hell for repeating that I don’t care. I don’t know why my brain ruins me but it does. Lord I have no happiness just misery and pain when I’m being constantly attacked I attack my heart over stress. I pray that you will catch me on my death bed instead of satan. Lord I really don’t want to spend eternity in pain. You have to know by now my Lord that I am sick my brain says atrocities that it shouldn’t say. I’m not well and ask you for humbly 24 hours of the day seven days a week protection. I’ve accounted for my sins my Lord and am clean of the rot that satan fueled inside of me. I don’t know how the brain works after death but I assume that it is more tolerable than when alive. I should have died May 1st 2016 my Lord but instead I was preyed upon at the hospital where I was receiving care instead in my drug induced intoxication a satanic cult member got me to agree that I should do anything to walk again. I have refused satan at every junction along my path. I accept you as my Lord and Savior you died on the cross for all our sins. I was sold short in some dark deception ring that satan started. I ended up a casualty of war caught between the markers of good and bad. They’re killing me now my Lord please save me. Just because I speak sound words my Lord doesn’t mean I’m not sick in the head mentally. It’s been a four year battle and nothing but pain and struggle. I’ve always sought you my Lord and the goodness of the kingdom of heaven. Somehow satans deceit has turned my mind against you even though I know your good my mind has been twisted. That’s why I ask you for special protection so I won’t end up in satans hands ever again. My Lord your amazing and I owe my life to you I’m asking you seriously please end my life and misery. I realize that I may not be in good favors with you my Lord and for that I ask forgiveness. I am honestly trying my Lord. I’m not going to make it though the night. I realize I haven’t made myself worthy to retain a seat in heaven. But I do pray the work I’ve put in fighting hell counts for something my Lord. Please save me my Lord and protect me unconditionally. I love you more than anything. Please forgive me of all my sins. In your Heavenly name I pray. Amen