Dear Prayer Warriors in Christ,
I’ve really screwed things up. I had a really bad day back in March. I was stressed out and started yelling at my wife, Heather, and it has all just escalated from there.
I made the decision to file for separation and file for divorce. Ever since then I’ve been suffering, in my own self-made prison.
Heather didn’t want to get divorced at first. She was telling me about Covenant marriage. She was fighting to save us. I blamed her for the situation and a DSS investigation.
I was bitter and tried to move on and start my life over, with a new relationship once we were legally separated. I thought that would make me happy.
I was in Florida with the National Guard for Hurricane Relief and started having chest pains. So I went for an EKG.
They said that I needed to destress my life.
So, I ended my other relationship and decided I needed to fix my marriage.
I was part of a DSS investigation and hadn’t seen my kids all summer as a result. Finally, my lawyer was able to get the ball moving. A 90 day investigation had become 150 days. When I finally got to the point that I had some answers, I went to go and see Heather.
That’s when she revealed she had found a new, older boyfriend. So she got tired of waiting for me to come back. So she moved on.
I was devastated. I realized how much of a jerk I had been. It caused me to go into depression and anxiety.
I started writing her long emails and recording love songs and emailing them to her. I was really trying convincing her to come back. I poured my heart into a lot of messages.
Finally she called and invited me to counseling. We went and I told her that I wanted to reconcile. She was resistant at first. A few days later she agreed and we started talking again. She agreed to dump the other guy and try working on us.
I told my parents about my intentions and they were not happy. They have been paying for me to get separated and start my life over again. They really made me feel terrible.
So I relayed that back to her. She didn’t take it well and she just completely has shut me out as a result.
She is living with her parents right now. At one point she was worried that they would kick her and the kids out of their house if they found out we were talking again. I didn’t realize just how much animosity they held for me. They have completely changed her mind set against me.
She claims that she is in love with the other guy and doesn’t want anything to do with me. She has basically shut me out of her life and wants the divorce.
I sent her a long letter trying to save the marriage and she completely rejected it.
I’ve even gone as far as to see my lawyer and discuss dropping it all together, but then I truly run the risk of her taking the kids away from me.
I miss my wife terribly and just want to reconcile and fix what’s wrong with us.
She is the light of my world, my beautiful bride.
Her mom sent me a message telling me to leave my wife alone. She said that I’ve hurt everyone in the family. So I emailed everyone in the family to say that “I’m sorry”.
This is something that I have to live with every day of my life. If it goes all the way thru to the end with the divorce, then I’ll end up spending the rest of my life regretting my actions.
I have laid it all at the cross and I continue to pray every day for a miracle. I continually pray for God to soften her heart and her parent’s hearts so that we can find a place of reconciliation, redemption and common ground.
I never intended for things to turn out this way. All that I want is to love Heather and my 3 children. I want to raise them as a Godly man: The best husband, the best father, and the best possible man that I can be.
So in conclusion, “I’m sorry.”
God hates divorce. I have done a lot of soul searching and rededicated my life to Christ. I’m continuing to pray every day for a miracle of reconciliation.
I hope that I can regain your trust and good energy. I’m a broken and flawed, imperfect person.
Please pray for our marriage. Please pray for us to reconcile. We need as much prayer as possible. I’m sorry for how everything has happened and most of all, I want her to be happy. I love her so much.
I just want her to go to counseling with me. We can fix this thing.
Sincerely,
Brad
