Prayers for Discernment
Discernment is not the same as deciding. Deciding is what you do at the end; discernment is the slower work of finding out which of the options in front of you is actually from God, and which one only looks appealing. These are prayers for that work, along with the method the Church has used for it for five hundred years.
On this page: What Discernment Is Before a Decision Relationships and Marriage Work and Calling When God Seems Silent Bible Verses Questions
What Discernment Actually Is
Most articles about discernment tell you to pray and wait for peace. That is not wrong, but it is thin, and it leaves you with no way to tell a genuine sense of peace from simple relief at having stopped thinking about it.
Ignatius of Loyola worked out something more useful in the sixteenth century, and it is still the standard tool in Catholic spiritual direction. He noticed that people considering a decision move between two states. In the first, which he called consolation, faith feels alive, you are drawn outward toward God and other people, and the decision clarifies. In the second, desolation, you feel flat, turned in on yourself, restless, and tempted to give up. Both states arrive without being invited.
The rule worth keeping: never make or reverse a decision while you are in desolation. Ignatius was firm about this. Desolation distorts what you can see, so a choice made inside it is being made with bad information. Hold the previous decision, wait for the weather to change, and decide then.
He also observed that a good decision usually survives being examined from a distance. Two ways of testing it: imagine advising a stranger in exactly your situation and notice what you would tell them, and imagine yourself at the end of your life looking back at this choice. Both remove the pressure of the present moment, which is where most bad decisions are made.
A Prayer Before a Decision
Lord, You have already seen where each of these roads goes. I have not. I ask You for clear sight and an honest heart: show me what I am really choosing between, and show me what I am pretending not to know. Quiet the part of me that wants an answer more than it wants the right one. Give me the patience to wait until I can see, and the courage to move once I do. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
When: At the beginning, before you have talked yourself into anything.
For Wisdom in a Hard Choice
Father, I am asking for wisdom, and I am asking for the patience to receive it slowly. Keep me from rushing into a decision because waiting is uncomfortable. Keep me from calling my own preference Your will. Teach me to hold this loosely until You have shown me what to do. Thank You for hearing me. Amen.
For Strength to Carry It Out
Grant me, Lord, the strength to go through with what You have shown me. Deciding was hard. Living with the decision will be harder. Stay with me in the part that comes after. Amen.
Discernment in a Relationship or a Marriage
About a Relationship
Lord, You understand love as no one else does. I bring this relationship to You and I ask for clear sight about it. Show me what is good in it and what I have been overlooking. Give me patience with what can be mended, and honesty about what cannot. Whatever You show me, help me act on it kindly. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
About a Marriage
God above, I am standing at the edge of something I cannot see the whole of. I have doubts and I have questions, and I would rather bring them to You than pretend they are not there. Is this the person, and is this the time? I place it in Your hands, because You know what is best for both of us better than either of us does. Thank You, Lord. Amen.
For a marriage already underway rather than a decision about entering one, see our prayers for relationship and marriage.
Discernment About Work or a Calling
Father, I am trying to work out what to do with the years I have. Keep me from choosing only for money, and keep me from choosing only for the story it tells about me. Show me where the work I can do meets something that actually needs doing. If that is where I already am, give me the grace to see it. Amen.
A practical note: vocation is rarely revealed all at once. In most lives it becomes clear in retrospect, assembled out of ordinary decisions that seemed small at the time. Waiting for a single unmistakable sign is usually a way of postponing the smaller choice in front of you today.
When God Seems Silent
Lord, I have asked and I have heard nothing, and the silence is hard to sit in. Help me not to fill it with my own voice and call it Yours. If You are asking me to wait, give me the steadiness to wait. If You have already answered and I have not wanted to hear it, say it again. Amen.
Silence is not always refusal. Sometimes the answer has not come because the decision is genuinely free, and either road is open to you. If the silence has gone on a long time, our prayers for when nothing is changing were written for that season.
Bible Verses on Discernment
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
James 1:5
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.
Proverbs 9:10
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God.
1 John 4:1
Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad.
1 Kings 3:9
Questions About Discernment
What is the difference between discernment and just deciding?
Deciding is choosing between options. Discernment is the work that comes first: sorting out which options are genuinely good, which are being driven by fear or vanity, and which one God is drawing you toward. A decision made without it is only a preference acted on quickly.
How do I know if it is God or my own wishful thinking?
The traditional test is direction rather than intensity. A movement from God tends to turn you outward, toward other people and toward greater freedom, and it holds up when you examine it calmly days later. Wishful thinking tends to be urgent, to shrink your world, and to lose its force the moment you say it out loud to someone you trust.
Should I make a decision when I feel low?
No. Ignatius of Loyola’s rule is to make no change during desolation, because a low state distorts what you can see. Keep to whatever you had already decided, wait for the state to lift, and decide then.
What if I pray and get no answer at all?
Silence often means the choice is genuinely yours to make, and that God will be with you on either road. It can also mean the answer has arrived and is unwelcome. Both are worth sitting with before concluding you have been ignored.
Is discernment only for big life decisions?
No. It is a habit rather than an emergency measure, and it is easier to use on a large decision if you have practised it on small ones. Most people who discern well in a crisis have been doing it quietly for years.
What is a good prayer for discernment?
A short one you will actually say. Asking for clear sight, an honest heart, and the patience to wait until you can see covers almost everything. The prayers on this page expand that for particular situations.
Send Your Prayer to Jerusalem
If you are facing a decision and would like your prayer carried to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, we can take it there for you. Write it in your own words and we will print it, place it in the church and light a candle, and email you the photographs.
Recently, we heard an inspiring story from a fellow believer, John, who reached out to share his miracle with us:
“My prayers came true! My dad was healed from stage 4 prostate cancer after submitting my prayer request. Glory to God! Your service brought me closer to Jesus Christ, making me feel his love and grace.”
Such stories remind us of the power of faith and prayer, and how our collective spirituality can make a profound difference.
What happens when you submit your prayer?
We will personally deliver your confidential prayer to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem.
We will place your prayer on the Stone of Anointing; the place where Christ’ body was laid down after being removed from the crucifix and prepared for burial.
We will light a candle on your behalf foot steps away from the Tomb of Jesus.
You will receive an email with photos of your printed prayer on the Stone of Anointing.
In the unlikely event that you are not completely satisfied with our service, please remember we offer a guaranteed refund, no questions asked. We are dedicated to ensuring your spiritual journey with us is fulfilling and meaningful.
In just a few days, you will receive photos by email of your printed prayer placed inside the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem. This is the sacred site of Jesus’ crucifixion, burial, and resurrection.
