I don’t know if I should try and fix things, if I should wait and see if they try to fix things, or if I need strength to get over this. I was dating an amazing women for a short period, and in that short period I feel we’ve both done so much and got to know eachother more than anyone has ever known us, especially in such a short timeframe.
I made some mistakes and was jealous so I said some extremely rude things, and subliminally would drop hints to try and tear her down so she wouldn’t try and find someone else. She didn’t want titles, so I looked at that as she wanted to see multiple people at once, but it wasn’t that. During the entire time I’ve known her, even after an argument and we were just friends, up until the last day I saw her, we were always together for the most of our time outside of work.
We started getting more and more distant from a “connection” aspect, and I think it’s because I was constantly
trying to become someone who I thought she wanted, and not who I was originally.
It went from in the beginning, her always wondering where I was at (and I love that, I didn’t find it annoying like a lot of people do) and wanting me to come over to where it seems like she just felt obligated to ask me or see if I was coming over. I tried to play some cards like I was talking to other people because we were just friends, dropping subliminal hints like that to try and make her jealous to try to get her to want to have a relationship.
She’s been hurt badly many times before, so she is slow to love. She also has had a lot of struggles in life, one being her mom having Pulmonary Firbosis and dealing with multiple surgeries and complications all the time, so she’s constantly under stress, financially and emotionally so I can understand why she wants to not make any commitments with her mind cluttered with stress and tough situations.
She’s shown a ton of mixed feelings, it seems like she tries to show love, but can’t – like she’s being held back. This is towards me as well as towards family and friends. Her way of showing love is like mine, we both aren’t the giddy kind of people who instantly smile and hug when we see a relative or friend we haven’t seen in a while, we just act normal, and people know we have love for them. It’s hard to explain.
Basically, I ruined things by trying to force her to speed up to a relationship, instead of letting it naturally play out. By trying to prove myself, and changing who I was to someone I thought she wanted, I pushed her away. In the beginning, when I was myself, it was amazing. My bad choices and actions turned amazing into horrible.
I’m asking for prayer to help me figure out what I should do, whether that be try and fix things myself, wait and see if she fixes things, or if I should let go and move on.
I really, really loved this girl. She’s perfect from her personality to her style to her life experiences and struggles she’s overcome. It’s really hard letting go of that if there might be a chance to save things. I need prayer for knowledge on what to do, and the strength to deal with it.
Thanks! Sorry this is long and probably hard to understand, my mind is all over the place.
